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Archive for October, 2010

until you begin cleaning out their house.  It’s been nearly a year since Mimi moved to Chicago to live with her step-daughter.  Since, then Tony and I have been trying to maintain some sort of control over her house.  After this summer and our attempt to keep two lawns maintained we decided it’d just be easier to move into Mimi’s comfy abode.  Like most things it’s easier said than done and three months later we’re still in the cleaning out stage.

I imagine the homes of most older folks are packed with trash and treasures, however, Mimi’s boarders on an episode of hoarders.  I can honestly say the woman has hardly disposed of anything in her nearly 89 years on the planet.  Combine that with the condensed belongings of my great-grandparents and suffice it to say I’d gladly open the door and allow on-lookers to take what they want.

Last month, during Mimi’s annual summer/fall visit her step-daughter decided it would be nice for Tony and I to take Mimi to dinner.  It would give her some down time and hopefully time to start sorting through the things at the house and we could spend quality time with Mimi.  No problems there.  We were in no hurry to begin the task of sorting through all that junk anyway.

After a fairly uneventful dinner we returned home to find Maryann practically in hysterics.  She was laughing so hard she could barely speak.  She motioned for me to come into the kitchen and held up a package of playing cards.  Upon closer inspection I noticed  they were NUDE playing cards.  NUDE MALE playing cards!  I grabbed the deck and began flipping through the cards.  It was obvious they were circulated at some point in the late 70’s or early 80’s and I’m fairly certain they weren’t targeted to women.  There were men of all different races, pants down around their ankles, if they had any on at all,their manhood exposed for all to see.  Some were tied up, others were dressed in black leather, another looked to be a missing member of the Village People.  I was speechless.  Where?  How?  Who?

It was simply too funny and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to ask my demure, southern grandma where she obtained such pornography!  She gave me a puzzled look and when I held up the package of cards she laughed and nodded toward her best friend Frances, who just happened to be the one who found them while cleaning out the end table drawer.  “Well, Frances gave them to me,” she replied in between giggles.

Frances’ mouth dropped open as she rushed to her defense, “I certainly did not give these to you!  I don’t know where they came from.  I just found them in this drawer.”

Still laughing I followed Maryann to her bedroom.  “Where on earth would she have gotten these?  It’s not like the internet was around in those days and she could just order them, ” I said.  “And it looks like they may be for gay men.  Could they have possibly been your Dad’s?”

Maryann’s guess was as good as mine and we figured we’d never know.  The answer was bound to go to the grave with the owner of the cards, if he or she hadn’t already gone.  Still, Maryann took a couple cards to show her daughter and son in Chicago.  It’s only fair they’d get to share in the laugh.

And so far, those cards are by far the best discovery in Mimi’s house.  In fact, they enabled Tony and I to play one of the best pranks in the history of the world.  We just happened to be taking care of our friends’ cats that weekend.  So after leaving Mimi’s we took the cards and strategically placed them throughout our friends’ house.  There were cards hidden in plain sight on the bathroom mirror, on their wedding picture, above the thermostat, in the kitchen cabinets, silverware drawers, and even inside a wine glass.  Yes, it’s been nearly three months since we’ve found those cards and our friends’ are still periodically finding them.  Just the other day Erica called and said she had found one in the pocket of her jeans which she had been wearing for roughly an entire day before even realizing there was something in the pocket.  🙂

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